The Worst Kisses

No matter how you may be feeling about the occasion itself, I think we can all agree these are five kisses you absolutely will NOT missing if you’re single this Valentine’s Day!

The No Chemistry Kiss

When it’s alright… but that’s about it. Believe me: a kiss should never be JUST alright, so if the wheels are in motion but you don’t feel any butterflies, it’s probably time to let go. Find someone who makes you weak at the knees when they enter a room, not someone who has you wondering whether you could get away with checking your phone over their shoulder mid-makeout sesh.

The Public Transport PDA Kiss

This one carries more of a yuck-factor for the unwilling onlookers. An affectionate peck is one thing, but that couple full on making out in the middle of a crowded escalator? No thank you. Heavy petting on the Jubilee Line? Come on. Becoming one unified human pretzel dead centre in a rush hour walkway? Honestly. We’re all for spreading the love… but could you spread it somewhere else?

The Left-Or-Right Kiss

Possibly the most cringe-inducing of all, depending on how long it manages to drag on! The kissing equivalent of trying to pass someone in a hall or doorway and ending up in that awkward both-going-the-same-way dance of doom. I don’t have any advice when it comes to this one other than just hang in there and hope it’s worth it once you finally manage to coordinate!

The ‘That Should Be Me’ Kiss

When you try your best but you don’t succeed. It’s never fun missing out on someone you had your heart set on, but it’s even worse when you have to witness them moving on with your own eyes! All I can say is that less is more in this situation. You can be upset, but don’t let them see that… in fact, best not to let them know you’ve seen at all, if possible. You’re above it, you’re unaffected, and you’re not going to cry until you get home.

The Rogue Tongue Kiss

Although sometimes referred to as ‘the washing machine’, this is not just restricted to the classic dreaded round & round middle-school-flashback nightmare… there are so many ways for a tongue to go rogue. We’ve ALL been there, so you already know exactly what I mean. The only solution to this one is a very frank discussion. Or to cut your losses and run.